Letting go

It’s been a few months now of big changes for me. Part of that stems from being on a path of learning to let go. Letting go of control, for people like me, is not just something we can read about, or be told to do and say OK, and it’s done. Not even close.

For me it’s like microscopic baby steps usually. Until I realize that I am really not getting anywhere. I was still stressed, still walking around with that ever present tension and underlying fear of letting go. It’s still here, even today as type this.

But the good thing is some days I have done it! I have gone with the flow. I have embraced the “ I’m safe and it’s all ok”. I have prayed and thanked and accecpted some things that I know the me 5 years ago would have fought back at. I have had days of ease where I smiled instead of reactes. Days I walked away instead of stayed in a place that was stirring me up. Days my heart was so at ease it felt wonderfully peaceful.

See, the letting go of control means we have to learn to trust. As a person who spent 25 years raising kids mostly alone, I have to control the daily existence of 3 humans plus myself while bracing, wondering and fearing for the future. The what ifs. The” did I do the right thing?” The “will they be ok?”

and it was consuming.

So now, as they are grown and I am no longer planning their days, meals, vacations, clubs, sports, carpools and everything that goes with having kids, I find myself in the position of still worrying and bracing and questioning BUT I now have that awareness that this is no longer needed.

So I let go.

Little by little.

By little.

For some parents this is the hardest time.

As we move into the chapter of sitting back and letting adult children be.

It’s different.

It has made me sad and wildly depressed in bittersweet moments.

but I know I can’t walk around worried and hanging on to control.

This new season is about opening up, not hanging on.

So I open my heart, I give up my worries to the Universe. And when I do, which is more and more each day, I feel less tension in this body, and mind, and spirit.

and that feels good.

If you resonate with this because you too are a worry wort, someone who likes control and is learning to let go, you’re not alone. We can do this.